


Ain't That a Kick in the Head?

by OneBadMammaJamma



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Crossover, F/M, Jokes, Mayhaps, Violence, Weird Plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-07-30 00:25:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16275425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneBadMammaJamma/pseuds/OneBadMammaJamma
Summary: Tamaki buys a game from a sketchy guy and everyone ends up trapped, having to follow the rules and find a way out. But will they all make it out? After all, you die in the game you die in real life.Fallout Vegas AU





	1. What is going on?

“Have you heard? There's this new game from America that they're going to sell here, it's called Fallout.” A visitor of Tamaki's stated.

“Hm, sounds interesting.” Tamaki said in his signature smooth voice, that alone making the girl swoon for some reason.

At the end of the Host Club meetings, Tamaki looked at Haruhi.

“What is this commoner game everyone is talking about?” He asked.

“It's not really a commoner game, video games are actually pretty expensive.” Haruhi replied.

“I want to try it, it sounds like fun.” Tamaki snapped his fingers.

“Since when are you interested in video games?” The Hitachiin twins asked in perfect unison.

“Since today.” Tamaki smiled proudly.

“What makes you suddenly want to try them? And why is it this game?” The twins inquired.

“Because, my dear sons, it’s for the plot!” Tamaki winked.

Later that Day

“LOOK WHAT I GOT GUYS!!!” Tamaki announced when he entered the music room again. He was waving a copy of Fallout: New Vegas. “I bought it from a homeless man for really cheap.” He looked at Haruhi. He felt sad when he saw she wasn't looking. She was too busy pretending to sweep.

“We're all going to check it out together. Right now.” He put it in the game system.

“Since when do we have a game system?” The twins looked at each other and shrugged.

“Try not to get too crazy, please. We just cleaned.” Kyoya sighed.

“I think it will be fun!” Honey exclaimed. Mori stared.

The game started up and Tamaki immediately started squealing when he hit the new game option. “Isn't this exciting? We're all playing together like a family! Come on mama, all we're missing is you.” Kyoya backed even farther away.

Suddenly the screen turned black and the game let out a loud, screeching noise. It didn't stop.

“MAKE IT STOP!” Haruhi screamed, covering her ears.

“TURN IT OFF!” Kaoru screamed.

“IT HURTS!” Hikaru added.

Mori destroyed the game system by ripping it out of the wall and smashing it down on the floor. The screaming stopped.

“Well. I guess we know to never try commoner games again.” Tamaki got up.

“Again, not really a commoner game.” Haruhi sighed.

“Well, I'm going home now.” Tamaki went to the door.

“But you just got here.” The twins said with no emotion.

“Yeah but daddy is tired now.” Tamaki opened the door and screamed at what he saw.

Everyone ran over and looked and screamed as well. Besides Kyoya, he screamed internally.

What they saw was a barren wasteland full of dirt and destroyed plants, some shacks in the distance, and some giant lizards. Also, were those mountains in the distance?

“What the hell?!” Haruhi's eyes widened.

Tamaki slammed the door shut then opened it again. The same setting was still there.

“What is this?” He asked. Suddenly one of the giant lizards spotted them and stood up and ran straight toward them. It hissed and Tamaki slammed the door shut yet again. It banged and clawed at the door.

“BARRICADE THE DOOR!” He hissed. Everyone, except Kyoya, moved couches to the door. Kyoya stood there in shock, trying to remember if he took drugs again.

Suddenly there was the sound of a gunshot and a thud.

“HIT THE DECK!” Everyone jumped on the floor as gunshots busted through the doors. An axe finished whatever was the left of the doors and three guys in big black jackets and brandishing machine guns stepped in over the couches.

“Well, well. Look what we got here.” One of them smirked.

“Who are you?” Tamaki pointed at them. “What is this place?”

“You're in the Mojave wasteland.” Another guy spat. “You all look clean. What the hell kinda set up do you have here?” He looked around.

“What kind of set up do you have?” Hikaru replied.

“Yeah, you all look and smell like you haven't bathed in years.” Kaoru waved his hand in the air.

The men all pointed their guns at him.

“Say that again.” One of them growled.

“Or else what? You’ll shoot me over a dumb comment like that?” Kaoru looked to his brother who looked extremely worried and mortified.

“Yeah, let's not push it Kaoru, we're not bulletproof.” He warned.

One of the men pulled back the hammer of their gun.

“Oh.” Kaoru's eyes widened. Hikaru stood in front of him.

“Stop being so overprotective of me, if I'm going to get shot, let me get shot!” Kaoru whined.

“Don't worry, we have plenty of bullets for both.” A man giggled. Suddenly all three were knocked unconscious. Honey, Mori, and Tamaki stood behind them.

“That was a great plan you guys came up with on the spot, distract them so we can get them.” Tamaki did a thumbs up.

“Yeah... We were distracting them.” The twins looked at each other.

“I think we should take everything they have.” Kyoya suggested.

“Good idea.” Tamaki took their guns, Honey took their backpacks, and the twins searched their pockets. The axe was left on the floor because it sucks.

“Ow!” Kaoru yanked his hand out of a pocket to reveal a weird needle stuck in his finger. “What is this?”

Hikaru snatched it and inspected it. “Says stimpack.” He read.

“Oh, those are supposed to heal you. You're good.” Tamaki explained. Everyone looked at him. “I might have done research...” He shrugged.

“Let's find a safe place before we sift through all this.” Haruhi changed the subject. “Who here can handle a gun the best?”

Everyone looked at Kyoya. Kyoya pulled out a handheld mirror and looked into it. “Obviously me.” He adjusted his glasses to look badass.

Tamaki handed him one of the guns. He gave another to Mori and kept the other to himself. When no one was looking, Tamaki also picked up the axe.

“Off we go!” He pointed outside. They took about five steps into the wasteland. “It's so hot.” Tamaki cried.

“The place we came from is gone...” Haruhi pointed behind them. It was true, all they saw behind them was the stupid Grand Canyon.

“What happened to the unconscious men?” The twins asked.

“They're in hell where they belong.” Tamaki muttered.

They followed a road for a good hour before coming across a small campsite with five shacks. One shack was huge and the rest were small.

“Woah there. I wouldn't recommend going farther than this.” A man with a hard hat and a sledgehammer stopped them. “Past here is deathclaw valley.”

“What's a deathclaw?” The twins asked.

“You don't want to know. I reckon you're new here.”

“Yeah.” Haruhi nodded. “Can we please stay the night here?” She asked.

“Of course, we're always open to travelers.” The man led them to one of the small shacks. Inside was four beds and two lockers and two chests. “Make yourselves at home. Dinner is in another hour.” He left.

“Now let's sift through all the loot we got.” Tamaki emptied the contents of one of the bags on the floor. A big ass minigun fell out, a huge mini nuke launcher plopped on top, and a missile launcher landed on top of that. Five missiles came out after, ten small nukes came out, and ten huge packs of 5mm ammo fell as well. The second backpack had several different types of grenades, mines, and some more guns with loads of ammo. The third backpack was literally just full of bottle caps. Some stimpacks and cans of purified water were in the mix though. “Right off the bat, we're good on defense and currency.” Tamaki whistled.

Honey snored. He fell asleep. Mori sat at the edge of his bed staring.

“We'll take the top bunk.” The twins said.

“I'll have this one.” Haruhi pointed to the bottom bunk of the second set of bunk beds.

“Looks like mommy and daddy are sharing a bed.” Tamaki smiled. Kyoya cringed.

“Alright, everyone take the weapon you want.” Tamaki announced. “Honey gets whatever is left.”

Kaoru grabbed a pistol and a sniper. It had a strap which he used to sling it over his back. He opened one of the chests and found a holster, putting it on and sliding the pistol in. He also found a combat knife in the chest but didn't tell anyone. He slid it under his sleeve with another strap so he could slide it out quickly if need be.

Hikaru grabbed a shotgun and a pistol. Haruhi took the bag of explosives and the fatman and missile launcher. Tamaki got the three machine guns from the thugs and had them all sling over his shoulders. Kyoya got the backpack of caps and meds. He picked up an AK-47 and a hunting rifle. All that was left was the minigun and another pistol. Mori took the pistol and put the minigun and ammo in the last backpack and gently placed it next to Honey.

“So, our next course of action?” Haruhi asked.

“We need to find a big city. Someplace with an extremely smart guy who can create impossible things.” Tamaki replied. “Every game has that one character who makes something outrageous that's extremely convenient to the protagonist and helps them.”

“How would you know that? Did you play other games before?” The twins asked.

“That's not important!” Tamaki snapped.

“Okay, what's the biggest city?” Kyoya raised a brow.

“I'll ask during dinner.”

“New Vegas. It's all the way across the valley, though. You could go around deathclaw valley but it would be a three-day walk.” The nice man from before explained.

“Thanks.”

The next day they were given a map and sent on their way.

“We're going to die.” The twins groaned.

“Not if we work together! Nothing can stop the host club!” Tamaki yelled loudly, raising a fist. A roar sounded in the distance and a gigantic dinosaur looking creature started running toward them.

“EXCEPT THAT!” Everyone ran like hell. Haruhi dropped a mine behind her as they ran and the creature exploded.

“That, my friends, was a deathclaw.” Tamaki panted.

“Good job, boss.” The twins rolled their eyes.

“Look, you can see New Vegas from here!” Honey pointed to some tall buildings and signs in the far distance.

“If you keep staring at it while we walk it'll feel like we're just getting farther and farther.” Kyoya loaded his hunting rifle and got it ready to shoot. “There's bound to be creatures out there so brace yourselves.”

Kaoru nodded and tried to pull his sniper out but he struggled with the strap. Hikaru stared straight into the barrel of his shotgun, trying to figure it out. Honey wanted to pull out the minigun but Mori told him no. Haruhi pulled out a grenade. Tamaki just loaded a machine gun.

“And, we're ready!” Tamaki began walking again, studying the path on the map.

“It's going to be a long journey.” Haruhi sighed.

Day 1

“Guys, look, we reached our first milestone! A place called Primm.” Tamaki pointed to the hotel proudly.

“Oh, I know this place! I've seen it on TV a lot of times!” Honey said cheerfully.

“No you didn't, this is a video game and everything is fake.” Tamaki shook his head.

“I thought you said you did research? A lot of the locations here are based on real places.” Kyoya crossed his arms.

“How would you know that?” The twins asked.

“LET'S GO EXPLORE.” Tamaki quickly ran to the hotel. As he did so, something flew right by the side of his head and landed on the ground behind him.

“A tomahawk.” Kyoya inspected the object.

“Let's not explore.” Tamaki turned around and walked in the opposite direction.

“YOU'RE LUCKY WE DON'T SNIPE YOU!” Some angry voice yelled from the Primm hotel.

“Well WE HAVE A SNIPER TOO!” Tamaki yelled back. A bullet hit the floor by his feet. He screamed, turned white, and stumbled back, almost fainting. Kyoya sighed.

While everyone else tried to figure out what to do, Haruhi looked around and saw a bridge nearby. A sign was in front of the bridge that read “NCR.” She made her way over and crossed the bridge, seeing a bunch of tents set up all over a big campsite. Several people dressed in beige uniforms walked around, NCR on the shirts and hats. There was a guard post on her far left that had two people with snipers, both watching her friends and laughing.

“Excuse me.” Haruhi asked the nearest NCR soldier. “What's the deal with that hotel?”

“It was taken over by gang runners. If you and your friends can manage to take it back for us, we'll give you five hundred caps, some supplies, and safety.” The soldier replied.

“Why can't you do it yourself?”

“I have to stay here and watch.” The NCR soldier said.

“But... There's plenty of people here...”

“Are you going to do it or not?”

“Fine.”

“Take your stupid tomahawk back!” Tamaki yelled and threw it. An array of bullets was shot at them and they all ran to cover screaming “DAMN IT TAMAKI!” Haruhi saw and rolled her eyes before calling them over. They quickly ran to her.

“They said if we take back the hotel they'll give us some pretty useful things.” Haruhi told them.

“How in the hell are we going to do that?” Tamaki scolded her.

“Well, I have a missile launcher. If we could get them all gathered together I could take them all out at once.” Haruhi shrugged.

“We'll do it!” Kaoru volunteered. Hikaru gawked at him.

“Okay, what about the inside?” Tamaki asked.

“We'll just have to use firepower, you guys go in guns blazing and I'll throw grenades and plant mines.” Haruhi replied.

“Okay... We'll do it.” Tamaki closed his eyes. “I don’t know why, but we’re doing this.”

“This is it. This is when we die.” Hikaru whispered.

“And... one... two... three. Plan is a go!” Haruhi called out.

The twins ran toward the guys guarding the entrance.

“We have questions!” They yelled. Several guys crowded in front of them. There were still two others at different corners of their campsite, watching them with their guns up. Easy take down, Honey can take them on.

“Why are we not shooting these guys?” A guy crossed his arms.

“Something about a plot.” Another guy answered him.

“What are you guys?” Kaoru asked, hoping the others wouldn’t listen to him.

“None of 'ur fuckin' business.” A shirtless guy pulled out a knife. “I'll skin you alive.” He got closer.

“And then what? You'll wear it?” Kaoru crossed his arms. Hikaru stood there frozen in fear. He was terrified for his brother.

“Ha, I actually like this guy. What about that idiot of a brother, what's his problem?” Another guy wearing only shorts pointed to Hikaru. A guy shoved him with the tip of their shotgun.

“He's funny too, he just doesn't appreciate the weapons pointed at him.” Kaoru responded, trying his best to remain calm and collected. He noticed Haruhi getting into position so he grabbed Hikaru’s hand and pulled him back quickly.

At that moment, a missile flew in and hit the whole crowd. The blast caused Kaoru and Hikaru to stumble back and slam against the doors of the hotel.

They both got up with only a few cuts and scrapes. Haha inaccuracy. The other two guys were taken down by Honey, as predicted.

“Inside we go.” Haruhi breathed, stepping inside.

Tamaki used his machine gun to plow down the three guys at the entrance.

Honey karate kicked a guy armed with a crowbar and took him down, taking his crowbar from him. Another guy tried to sneak up from behind but Honey turned quickly and hit them repeatedly with it. “I'm getting such a thrill from this!” He laughed.

“Okay Honey, no more for you.” Mori picked him up and ripped the crowbar from his hands. He threw it aside.

Haruhi threw a grenade in the big room that remained unchecked. After the explosion, the twins ran in to look around. A survivor from the blast grabbed Kaoru from behind and threw him against the wall. “Thankfully Hikaru didn't see this.” Kaoru thought as he let his knife slide out his sleeve and stab the attacker in the stomach. The attacker dropped dead.

“I think we won, guys.” Haruhi put her hands on her hips.

“Good job! We did it. All thanks to Haruhi's idea, I'm so proud!!!” Tamaki hugged Haruhi close as tears streamed down his face.

After looting the whole place, everyone turned to leave but a deep, voice yelled suddenly; “NOT SO FAST.”

They turned and saw a guy wearing a hockey mask and holding a flamethrower.

“I'll get him.” Kaoru whispered before running off.

“Nice.” Tamaki pulled out his machine gun and shot at the guy but he ran like Sonic the fucking Hedge Hog and dodged all the bullets.

Haruhi threw a grenade but he ran to her and grabbed her by the arm, yanking her forward and toward the grenade. Tamaki jumped and protected her as the grenade exploded. Some wood and debris landed on them but nothing too serious.

Honey squirmed from Mori's grasp and ran up to the guy, matching his speed. They fought hand to hand for a good five minutes before the guy activated his flamethrower. Honey was engulfed in flames. He screamed and rolled all over the floor and Kyoya grabbed a can of water and dumped it on him. Honey panted, skin red and clothes torched. Mori threw him over his shoulder and ran out of the room. Hikaru pulled his shotgun out and ran toward the guy, about to shoot but suddenly the guy's head busted open and he dropped dead. Kaoru was on the balcony above them.

“Hell yeah! Lucky shot!” He jumped down and put the sniper back behind his back.

“We need to hurry and get out of here.” Haruhi pushed Tamaki away and ran outside. Everyone followed. The NCR was herded outside.

“Good job!” A soldier gave Haruhi a bag of caps and supplies.

“He needs medical attention!” Mori yelled.

“Right this way.” An NCR Nurse led them to her tent.

“So, is there anything we should be aware of up ahead?” Tamaki showed a soldier his map and the trail.

“There's going to be a lot of geckos and some cazadors. Trust me, you do not want to get stung by a cazador. Here's some cures, take it as another reward for what you’ve done.” The soldier handed him five bottles, which Tamaki quickly passed off to Kyoya. Haruhi gave him the caps and supplies too.

“I hope Honey is okay.” The twins suddenly said.

“Me too.” Tamaki looked down.

“You all had a long day, why don't you stay the night in one of our tents?” An NCR soldier offered.

“Sure.” Tamaki said.

“Time sure flies by in a video game.” The twins looked at the sunset.

After being shown the tent they'd be staying in, Mori joined them.

“How is he?” Tamaki asked quietly.

“He'll be okay. His left eye is gone and he has bad burns on his arms and legs. It's all covered and bandaged though and he should be completely healed, eye included, in three days if he’s given a stimpack injection once a day.” Mori replied.

Everyone breathed in relief. Except Kyoya, he breathed in relief internally.

Haruhi put the backpack down by the cot and removed the top coat of her uniform and tied the sleeves around her waist then lied down on the cot. “I hope we all live to escape this game.” She said before falling asleep.

The twins nodded and fell asleep with each other. Mori left to be with Honey.

“Do you think we're all just going through a severe high right now? Maybe someone put drugs in the vents at the school and-”

“Tamaki, shut up.” Kyoya replied. He lied down. “Although as stupid as it sounds, it would make more sense than what’s actually happening.” He closed his eyes. He then went to sleep with his glasses on. It’s like they’re glued to his face and indestructible.

“Yeah.” Tamaki fell asleep sitting up.


	2. It's Getting Real

Day 2

“So, we're going to pass some place called Camp Caravan in a few hours. Seems like a good place to buy some stimpacks since we only have three left.” Kyoya told everyone as they began to leave the NCR camp. Honey had bandages all over his arms and legs and a patch over his eye.

“You okay?” Mori asked his cousin.

“I don't feel anything.” Honey responded.

After being on the road for a good two hours, Honey collapsed because he needed rest.

“We'll stop here for a while.” Tamaki gestured to a conveniently located shack nearby. Two huge trees stood on both sides and a high cliff towered behind.

“We'll stand guard while you guys help Honey.” Kaoru said.

Tamaki opened the shack and Mori carried Honey inside. He lied him down on the makeshift bed inside and Kyoya gave him a can of water and a stimpack.

Meanwhile outside, Kaoru lied on his stomach on the high cliff that glowered above the shed. He kept watch with his sniper beneath a shady tree. Hikaru and Haruhi were standing outside the door of the shack. They were conversating about something. Kaoru smiled a little. This could be Hikaru's chance. And it would be something good out of all of this.

As he continued watching, something big and heavily breathing suddenly sounded from behind him. He froze completely in fear. Suddenly a big, clawed foot stepped next to his head and he rolled onto his back, seeing a deathclaw standing right above him. It roared loudly right into his face and he shrieked, quickly pointing his gun at it but it smacked it away and picked him up by his neck.

Hikaru and Haruhi were yelling something but he couldn't comprehend it from the tight grip on his neck. It opened its mouth to bite him, and he closed his eyes. His eyes jerked open when he felt himself falling instead. He was falling down the cliff. He hit a rock and groaned. The deathclaw jumped down in front of him and tried to stab him with its claws but he rolled to the side quickly. He grabbed his pistol from its holster and shot it twice but the bullets didn't faze it.

Thankfully the deathclaw suddenly exploded and the force threw him back against the cliff wall but he was fine other than that. The deathclaw's body was shredded. But mostly dead.

“Hey, we have food now at least.” Haruhi joked, holding a missile launcher. Hikaru ignored her and ran to Kaoru, hugging him close. He was shaking but didn't say anything.

“I-I'm fine, Hikaru.” Kaoru lifted a hand to pat his back but saw that he was shaking, too.

Tamaki stepped out the shed and looked at them.

“What happened?” He asked.

“A long story.” Haruhi sighed.

“Is that...”

“Yep.”

Hikaru got up and tightly held Kaoru's hand as he pulled him to the shed.

“Kaoru needs medical attention.” Hikaru told Kyoya inside. Kaoru snatched his hand away from his brother's.

“I told you, I'm fine.” He protested.

“You're bleeding!” Hikaru suddenly yelled.

“What?” Kaoru looked at his hands and noticed they were drenched in blood. The deathclaw must have cut one of his hands when it slapped the gun away. “It's not so bad.” He muttered.

Kyoya wrapped his hand in some bandages he found in a cabinet and sent him on his way. “Once Honey is done resting, we can go on.” He told everyone who was waiting outside the shack. Mori stayed inside.

“Well, look at that. The sun's already coming down.” Tamaki looked at the sunset.

“Let's cook ourselves some dinner from that deathclaw.” Haruhi suggested. The twins gathered rocks and formed it into a circle. Tamaki chopped down one of the trees and threw the wood in the middle of the rocks.

“Told you this would become useful.” He wiped his hands, proud of his axe.

“You never told any of us that. We didn’t even know you had that dumb thing.” Haruhi rolled her eyes.

“How do we start a fire?” The twins asked.

“Haruhi could use one of her grenades!” Tamaki looked at her.

“That's a really dumb and unsafe idea.” Haruhi sighed. “I have some matches, I could go look for an accelerant in the shack.” She went inside. She came back with some bottles of vodka. She poured the contents on the wood and lit a match. “Everyone stand back.” She said before throwing it in. After the fire died a bit, Tamaki got a bloody piece of deathclaw meat and stabbed it onto a stick. He roasted it over the fire.

“We feast like commoners.”

Haruhi sighed.

After the meat was done and eaten, everyone went inside the shack and slept on the floor.

Day 3: Part 1

“My neck is so stiff!” Tamaki whined when they all started heading out. Honey was refreshed and his eye was already starting to recover. He walked ahead of everyone else.

“Tamaki, you mentioned a caravan place?” Kyoya asked.

“Yeah, Camp Caravan. It's about two miles from Freeside, so we'll know we reached a huge milestone.” Tamaki replied.

“Didn't they say this would be a three-day walk? It's the third day and we're obviously not going to make it today.” The twins groaned.

“It's because we kept stopping. And we sleep at night. I'm sure they meant a three day walk as in if we kept going and didn't stop at all.” Kyoya responded.

“It's not so bad. To me.” Haruhi smiled.

“Why can't there be functional cars here?” Tamaki sighed.

“Look boss, cars!” The twins exclaimed, pointing up ahead. There was a bridge covered with cars. Around the bridge was water so obviously the bridge was the only way to go.

“Be careful, guys. It looks like trouble.” Honey warned. Everyone stepped on the bridge cautiously. When Honey took a step forward, there was the sound of a loud beeping noise.

“Oh sh-”

Mori grabbed Honey and jumped off the side of the bridge as something exploded, catching several cars on fire.

“They're going to explode, too!” Tamaki screamed.

“But we can't run, there's more mines up ahead!” Haruhi pointed to the line of mines in front of them.

“In the water we go.” The twins jumped off.

“I do not want to get wet.” Kyoya protested.

“Either that or you die!” Haruhi yelled at him.

Kyoya shifted his glasses before breaking into a full sprint and booking it right across the bridge. The landmines exploded behind him, knocking off several cars and several detached doors flew at Tamaki and Haruhi. They held hands and jumped off the side into the water. When they reached the surface, they saw Mori remove his shirt for fanservice reasons or something I’m not even sure myself.

“The water really helped.” Honey told him.

“Our uniforms are ruined.” Tamaki sighed.

“This is why I didn't want to get wet.” Kyoya said.

“Maybe the caravan will have some clothes for us.” Haruhi suggested.

“Yeah, let's get a move on.” Tamaki removed his shoes and socks.

After trekking along on their journey again, Haruhi heard a loud buzzing noise.

“What's that?” She asked. Tamaki stopped moving.

“I don't know but I hear it, too.” He looked behind her. “LOOK OUT!” He yelled but before he could do anything, Haruhi felt something sharp stab into her back. She gasped but the pain ended quickly. Her vision blurred and she shook, pain suddenly returning but unbearable this time. It took over her whole body. She collapsed, unable to move.

Tamaki shot the huge bug with orange wings dead. “That was a cazador.” He gasped in horror.

Kyoya quickly got one of the poison cures and ran to Haruhi. “Open her mouth.” He commanded. Tamaki put her head in his lap and he opened her mouth. Kyoya poured the cure in and Tamaki quickly held her mouth closed. Everyone else watched in silence.

“Holy crap, there's another one!” The twins yelled. Kyoya got his AK-47 and shot it down. Two more appeared and he shot those two.

“Let's go.” Kyoya pointed down the path.

Everyone gathered their things, Tamaki held Haruhi, and they all ran down the path.

Five minutes later Haruhi coughed and was fine. She pushed Tamaki away.

“I can still carry you if you feel weird at all.” Tamaki offered.

“I'm fine now, I promise. I'm sorry for worrying you guys.” Haruhi told everyone.

“What's important now is you're okay.” Honey smiled.

They all did a group hug. The sound of a deathclaw roaring in the distance ruined their hug and they ran again.

“Guys, look, I see something!” Hikaru called out. He pointed to a huge gated area. The gate covered a huge section of something. In front of the entrance was a two-headed cow and some mercenary.

“Welcome to Camp Caravan.” The mercenary greeted them after taking a long drag of a cigarette.

“Let's go get ourselves some new clothes.” Tamaki said as they entered the wall surrounded area. It was full of fields of growing crops, two headed cows, a cafeteria, an infirmary, and a bunch of tents that sold various different things. There was one huge tent set up and a sign that said “Hotel.” In front of the flaps.

Kyoya booked a night at the hotel for them, which costed 100 caps, and went back to them. “The general store is at the end over there by the garden.” He told everyone. They went over there and were shown all the different outfits and suits of armor they had. Tamaki and Kyoya bought stealth suits, both of which were 1200 caps. Everyone else got road leathers.

“How come you guys get the most badass suits of armor?” The twins asked after everyone put their new clothes on.

“Because we're the leaders.” Tamaki responded. He felt pretty badass.

“We're low on caps now guys. Only have a little under five hundred left.” Kyoya told them.

“Maybe if you didn't get such expensive armor this wouldn't have happened.” Haruhi crossed her arms.

“What's done is done.” Tamaki lifted his hand up. “Over there is a sign that says jobs, we'll get caps by doing that.”

Kaoru and Hikaru took a job to raid a house nearby, Tamaki and Kyoya took a job to escort a caravan to a city nearby, and Haruhi and Mori stayed behind to watch Honey because he started to feel weak again.

Haruhi wanted to come but Tamaki told her no so she begrudgingly listened.

Tamaki and Kyoya escorted the caravan and all was fine until near the entrance of the small city, a large hairless bear attacked them. Tamaki used his machine gun to shoot its legs and cripple it. Kyoya used a Chinese combat sword, one he bought without anyone knowing, to slice the bear's head off.

“We're going to talk about that later.” Tamaki said when he saw the sword.

“Sure.” Kyoya wiped it off before sheathing it.

Kaoru and Hikaru were raiding the house and were glad to find it empty.

“Are you sure there's no one?” Kaoru asked.

“Yes, I'm sure.” Hikaru said as he looked through a chest.

“Alright...” Kaoru went to another room. As he was searching under the bed he heard a gun's hammer get pulled back. “Hikaru?” He turned and saw a filthy man standing behind him, holding a pistol to his head.

“Give me everything you have and nobody will get hurt.” The man shook.

“Hey Kaoru, I found-” Hikaru came in and startled the man, making him pull the trigger. Kaoru collapsed, blood pouring out the right side of his head.

“KAORU!!!” Hikaru screeched, dropping the Wasteland Survival book that he found.

“You made me do this!” The man yelled. He tried to point the gun at Hikaru but the twin in response punched him in the face really hard. The pistol fell out of the man’s hands and slid across the room.

“YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Hikaru screeched, tears pouring down his face as he tackled the man. The man triumphed over him sadly and grabbed his throat, choking him. Hikaru thrashed and gasped for air. Kaoru opened one of his eyes and pulled his knife out and stabbed it into the guy's thigh. He screamed and let go of Hikaru, who rolled away coughing as the man ripped the knife from his thigh and stabbed it into Kaoru's right shoulder. Kaoru gasped and weakly tried to push the guy away before he finally lost consciousness.

Hikaru grabbed the pistol from across the room and shot at the guy. The bullet missed. Hikaru got the gun ready to shoot another bullet. The man grabbed Kaoru and put him in front of himself to use as a shield.

“You shoot me, you shoot him.” He tried to stand up but collapsed from the stab wound in his leg. Hikaru ran straight at him and smacked him in the head with the pistol, making the guy drop Kaoru. Hikaru took that as his chance to shoot the man in the chest repeatedly until he ran out of ammo. He kicked the man's dead body aside and inspected Kaoru. He was still alive, the bullet that hit his head only grazed it. The shoulder stab wound looked really serious, and to top it off blood was pouring out the corners of Kaoru’s mouth. Hikaru cried as he quickly cut pieces of the bed sheet, hands shaking as he did so. He cuts his fingers a few times in the process. He ignored the cuts as he wrapped all of Kaoru’s wounds.

Suddenly he heard footsteps behind him and he quickly grabbed the empty pistol and pointed it at whoever just entered, hoping it would strike fear in the intruder and make them run away. It was Tamaki and Kyoya. That was really convenient.

“We heard you screaming,” Tamaki looked at the pistol in Hikaru’s bloodied hands.

“KAORU!” Hikaru screamed, dropping the pistol. He was borderline bawling at this point. “HELP HIM!”

Tamaki looked over his shoulder and saw the severely wounded twin. He walked over and picked Kaoru up carefully and they all quickly went to the caravan.


	3. Sensitivity

“HELP HIM!!! PLEASE!” Hikaru begged the doctor.

“I'll do my best to ensure he lives but I can't operate until you guys pay me two thousand caps.” The doctor replied after inspecting Kaoru, who was lying down on one of the operating tables. He was bleeding so rapidly it was dripping off the table. If this was real life and not a video game, Kaoru would have been long dead.

“Our job gave us three hundred fifty, we only have eight hundred caps!” Tamaki protested.

“I'm sorry. I'll do my best to save him but he isn't going to heal unless you give me the money I need. We all need to make a living, you know.” The doctor, her nametag read Dr. Lucy, looked down.

“YOU HEARTLESS BITCH!” Hikaru almost punched her.

“That's enough Hikaru, get out!” Kyoya pointed to the exit.

“B-But... I want to stay with him.” Hikaru protested. He frantically wiped tears away. “I-I can't...” He gently took Kaoru's hand. “I can't live without him.” He sniffled.

“We know. We're all worried about him.” Haruhi was standing at the tent opening.

“When did you get here?” Tamaki asked. Haruhi ignored him.

“Come on, we'll all pitch in to do jobs and get the caps quickly. Kaoru will heal in no time.” Haruhi walked over and put a comforting hand on Hikaru's shoulder.

“F-Fine.” He wiped his nose on his sleeve and left the tent quickly.

“We'll do the most expensive jobs.” Tamaki announced later that day when Hikaru calmed down a bit. They were all inspecting the job board.

“All of these don't give us anything more than three hundred fifty caps.” Kyoya pointed out.

“It’s going to take forever to get the amount we need,” Hikaru almost screamed again. “If you and Tamaki hadn’t bought those stupid expensive suits we wouldn’t be having this problem!”

“Hikaru,” Haruhi began.

“You know, I can't help but overhear you guys. I know something that'll get you a lot of caps easy.” A soldier with a nametag that read Joe suddenly stepped out from behind the board.

“What is it?” Tamaki asked.

“Bounties. A thousand caps each and lucky for you, we have two of them we need completed.” Joe replied.

“That doesn’t sound too bad, who do we get?”

“One of them is named Betsy. Leads a gang west from here, she stole supplies and food from us. Killed a few good men in the process. The other is a man named Luke. He raped our best shooter and killed two caravan guards. He lives in a cave down south.”

“I'll go after Betsy.” Mori volunteered.

“I'll go with you.” Honey said.

“No, you still need to heal.” Mori scolded him.

“But I want to come! I can handle it!” Honey stomped his foot. “I’m almost completely healed!”

“No. You stay here, Hikaru will come with me.” Mori's decision was final.

“Me and Kyoya will go for Luke, then.” Tamaki sighed.

“What about me?” Haruhi asked.

“You heard what Joe said, that guy is a rapist. It's best you stay here and watch Honey.” They walked away before she could protest.

“You've got to be kidding me. I can handle myself! I've been the one saving all your sorry asses!” Haruhi yelled after them. They showed no acknowledgment of hearing her. She kicked the ground angrily.

“I wanted to come, too.” Honey sniffled. “They have no need for us ‘weak people.’”

“Well I kind of understand why you have to stay behind.” Haruhi said.

“Yeah. Well, they're probably fucked. Joe is a survivalist, no way they're coming back alive, haha. I love holding back on important details!" 

“What?” Haruhi looked at him.

“Hey.” Was all he said. 

“Honey, be careful. I'm going after them.” Haruhi left.

Honey crossed his arms. “It’s just you and me again, Usa-chan.” Wow first time Usa-chan has been mentioned at all.

Mori and Hikaru found the settlement Betsy resides in. They both crouched down and watched. Betsy was commanding a small army of men to infiltrate some base that carried a group called the Great Kahns. Mori pulled his sniper out, which Hikaru had no idea he had, and sniped Betsy. The army of men screamed and scattered like ants. Hikaru stood up and threw a grenade at them. They all died in the blast. Mori got Betsy's headpiece and they both headed back.

“That was easy.” Hikaru wiped the sweat off his forehead.

Mori nodded.

Kyoya and Tamaki weren't so lucky. When they entered the cave, Kyoya got hit with a dart and fell unconscious.

Tamaki held his gun up and looked around cautiously. “Show yourself!” He demanded. The stealth mode on his suit was activated. ‘We should have done that before we entered.’ Tamaki thought. TOO LATE! The man managed to see him before he activated the stealth.

A dart hit him and he fell unconscious as well.

He woke up with his hands tied above his head, Kyoya right beside him. "What's going on?" Tamaki asked. He kicked Kyoya, who stirred awake. His glasses were still on. Oh shit, sweet! 

"Why, hello. Nice of you guys to wake up." Some guy crouching by a fire said. He was poking at it with a fire poker. He stood up. "Now, which of you can't stand pain the most?" 

"Him! His dad slapped him in front of everyone once and he CRIED LIKE A BABY!" Tamaki screamed. 

Or, he wanted to, but he actually didn't, because he is a good friend. He kept his mouth shut. 

"Why don't you just stop talking and fucking torture us already?! Don't tell me you're going to do what they do in the movies and give us some long-wounded speech nobody could give two FUCKS about until we're rescued by Haruhi who no doubt followed us here!" Kyoya spat angrily. 

"Kyoya-" Tamaki gasped.

"You then." Joe hissed, bringing a burning hot fire poker to Kyoya. It glowed bright orange, that's how hot it was. "It will be slow and painful, your body might even blackout from the pain."

"Don't threaten me with a good time." Kyoya hissed, staring at him defiantly. 

"What the hell, Kyoya?" Tamaki's voice cracked. "Come on, stop it, don't do this!" He yelled, fighting against the cuffs on his arms. "Please!" 

The man stopped, right with the poker about two inches from Kyoya's face. "And why would I not do this? You guys came to kill me."

"Because maybe deep down inside, despite everything, you really are a good guy?" Tamaki smiled sheepishly. 

He screamed the loudest Kyoya ever heard him scream when the poker went straight into his stomach. 

Welp, so much for redemption. Whatever, guy is a total jerk anyway. 

Joe laughed loudly then he slumped over, dead. 

"I would have come earlier but there were these big ass scorpions in the way." Haruhi said, sniper in hand. She ran to Tamaki, quickly healing him with a large stimpack. 

"My angel." He said to her. She looked at Kyoya.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm just sick of all this." Kyoya shrugged. Haruhi untied them and they all immediately went back to camp.

The second they got the caps, Hikaru took them all to the doctor and she immediately began operating on Kaoru.

“I think we can all agree that it's time to hit the hay.” Tamaki announced.

“I'll stay with Kaoru.” Hikaru said.

“Alright.” Everyone went to their designated beds and went to sleep.

-

“Kaoru is not permitted to walk yet, we'll have a caravan transport him to a hotel in Freeside for you.” The doctor told Hikaru the next morning. “He'll be healed completely in six days as long as he doesn't walk too much, gets plenty of rest, and takes two stimpacks a day. One in the morning and one at night.” Doctor Lucy handed him a big back of stimpacks. “Here.”

“How much?” Hikaru asked.

“On the house.” Doctor Lucy sighed.

“I'm going with the caravan that's taking Kaoru.” Hikaru told everyone.

“We'll meet you there, then.” Tamaki shook his hand. They went their separate ways after that.

After a good, long walk they had arrived at Freeside. They surprisingly didn’t encounter anything other than a few lizards that wanted to square up but Honey took them down. He mostly did it to prove that he was okay to do things again and that he didn’t need special treatment anymore.

They went to the gates of Freeside.

“Be careful folks, it's real dangerous here.” Some guy warned them. They ignored him and walked past. The place was bustling and full of destroyed buildings and stores.

“Which hotel do you think Hikaru and Kaoru are in?” Tamaki asked.

“I don't know but we could check them all, starting with that one.” Haruhi pointed to a hotel called the Sugar 'n' Sweet.

“Let's go check it out.” When they walked inside, they gasped at what they saw. Hookers, naked men and women, were all standing on podiums in different parts of the hotel dancing. A few were dancing on a pole.

Mori covered Honey's eye. Kyoya adjusted his glasses. Tamaki cleared his throat and Haruhi went to the bartender, ignoring the nudity ahead.

“Hey, uh, did a pair of twins check in? One was severely injured...” Haruhi asked.

“No.” The bartender looked her up and down. “You looking for work?” He smiled. Haruhi walked away.

“They're not here.”

“Thankfully.” They left. The next hotel was just called the Inn.

“Did red head twins come in earlier? One was severely injured?” Haruhi asked.

“Why, yes. They're in the third room on the second floor. They told us you'd be coming.” The manager smiled. They all went to the room and knocked. Hikaru answered.

“Took you guys long enough.” He joked.

“So, judging from the situation, Kaoru can't leave Freeside until six days from now.” Kyoya sat down in a chair by the wall. They all looked at Kaoru who had a bandaged shoulder and a bandaged head. He was also sleeping peacefully.

“We'll just split up.” Tamaki said. “One group stays in Freeside, looks around and checks everything here and the other goes to New Vegas.”

“That actually sounds like a good idea.” Haruhi sounded shocked.

“I'll be in the group that goes to New Vegas.” Kyoya said.

“Me too.” Tamaki sat down on the edge of the bed.

“I'm going, too.” Haruhi crossed her arms. “No arguing.”

“I guess me and Honey will stay here.” Mori said.

“Alright, it's a plan. Let's go, guys.” Tamaki got up and left the room. Haruhi and Kyoya followed.

At the gates of New Vegas, sentry bots stood guard. “Proof of wealth.” They said.

“Proof of wealth?” Haruhi asked.

“Show them the caps.” Tamaki told Kyoya.

Kyoya took off his backpack and showed the sentry bot. As it inspected the caps, a dude in rags tried to run in. Another sentry bot came from nowhere and shot him down then vanished.

Haruhi and Tamaki looked at each other in fear.

“You may proceed.” The sentry bot opened the gates and the three stepped in.

“Now to find the really smart guy.” Tamaki clasped his hands together. “We'll check there first.” He pointed to a casino called TOPZ. Several hookers stood at the entrance dancing and he ignored them as he walked inside. There was some weird, decaying human being that was naked and pole dancing on the center stage. It looked like the walking dead.

Haruhi got disgusted and backed up, accidentally bumping into Tamaki. 

"Okay, new idea, let's split up!" Tamaki suggested. He turned and ran away before any protests were made.

"Okay then." Haruhi shrugged at Kyoya who just adjusted his glasses. After an hour, they all met back at the entrance.

“Hey guys, did you learn anything?” He asked them happily. They looked at each other, mad he was so enthusiastic, and shrugged.

“Uh, well yes and no. No one knows of a really smart person but they say a peculiar person we might want to check out is Mr. House. He's in the casino next door. Doesn't open to strangers.” Haruhi explained.

“Just the kind of guy we needed!” Tamaki snapped his fingers. “Onward we go.” He began to leave.

They all went to the casino next door, HOUSe. But before they could enter, a huge TV on wheels with two arms attached to the sides slid in front of them.

“Woah there! Before, you're allowed in, you need to perform some tasks to show Mr. House you're worthy enough of his time!” The TV spoke.

“What kind of tasks?” Tamaki asked.

“You need to gain the trust of the White Glove Society at the White Glove hotel, gain the trust of the NCR, gain the trust of Caeser's legion, and gain trust of the Boomers at Nellis Air Force Base. Once you gain their trust and bring back proof of it, then we can talk. Mr. House has been watching you guys. He knows exactly what you need. He'll only get it to you if you do what he says.” The TV explained. “My name's Yes Man, by the way.”

“You're kidding me.” Haruhi's eyebrow twitched.

“Nope, here's a map of all the destinations. Have fun!” The TV exclaimed.

“The White Gloves are closeby, we can get that out of the way now.” Tamaki tried really hard to sound cheerful.

“Damn you for getting this stupid game from that hobo.” Kyoya hissed before snatching the map and going to where it said for the White Gloves.

Tamaki and Haruhi followed.

“How do we gain these people's trust?” Haruhi asked when they stepped inside. Everyone in there wore a white masquerade mask and wore fancy clothes.

“Maybe start by dressing as one of them.” Tamaki suggested. They bought three outfits and masks from the gift shop, costing one hundred caps in total, and put it on. Their armor sets were placed in Haruhi's backpack. Tamaki and Kyoya wore clean black suits and Haruhi wore a cute, long black dress. They put their masks on before heading back to the lobby.

“Mission one, start!” Tamaki pointed ahead dramatically, one hand on his hip.

“Yippee.” Kyoya and Haruhi said in unison with fake enthusiasm.


	4. Freeside Blues

Honey and Mori went out exploring, trying to find more ammo for guns that are cheap since Kyoya left them with so little caps, and Hikaru stayed with Kaoru.

Hikaru lied down next to his brother, just watching him sleep. “I wonder how the others are doing.” He muttered. “It’s so boring just laying here. I’ll go get us some food.” He kissed Kaoru on the cheek before grabbing a small bag of caps and heading to the hotel snack bar. He bought two bowls of hot noodles and brought it back to the room. He set the bowls down on a table nearby and gently woke Kaoru up.

“Huh, what?” Kaoru whispered.

“I got you some dinner, hurry up and eat so you can go back to resting.” Hikaru handed him the bowl of noodles. Kaoru sat up slowly and grabbed the bowl with his good arm.

“I can't really use my other arm.” He whispered. His face was slightly red. “Could you, uh, you know....”

Hikaru nodded. He got a fork and fed him. When Kaoru was done eating, he lied back down.

“Thanks.” He closed his eyes. Hikaru ate his food then threw the bowls away and got a stimpack, injecting it into Kaoru's injured arm. The boy didn't even flinch. He then lied down next to him again. He will never let anything harm him ever again.

“Do you… How do you feel?” Hikaru asked.

“Like I’m dead.”

“Oh no,” Hikaru sat up quickly. “That’s not good, uh, I need to call another doctor,” He stopped when Kaoru grabbed his shirt.

“I was joking.”

-

“Sugar 'n' Sweet is a bad place.” Honey told his cousin.

“Yes, but there's a casino in there.” Mori replied.

“Oh, and we can play the games and get even more caps than we have, right?” Honey asked. The four days only had one day left to it. His eye was fully healed but his arms and legs were still red. I think, I don't even fucking anymore my guy. 

“Yes.” Mori nodded.

“I'll play blackjack. You hit the slots.” Honey said. They split the money and went their separate ways. At the end of the day, Mori won 300 caps and Honey won over 1000.

“I'm amazing at blackjack!” He shouted proudly.

“Good job. Let's eat and then head back.” Mori pat his head. It's so funny that he has so much more to say in this AU!

They both left the hotel and went to a restaurant nearby. They ate seasoned ribs and greens. They then went back to the hotel room.

“Hey guys, look we got a lot of caps!” Honey announced. His shoulders went limp with dejection after seeing Kaoru and Hikaru asleep.

“We'll tell them when they wake up.” Mori put a hand on his shoulder. Honey put the bag of caps on one of the desks and jumped down on the second bed.

“What do we do now?” Honey asked.

“Hm. Anything, really.” Mori stood up. “Let's go out and explore some more.” He got 800 caps and left with Honey. They went down a street of Freeside they haven't explored yet and found Mick and Ralph's, some random ruined store called ART, and The King's School of Impersonation. Two guys who looked like Elvis stood at the entrance.

“We should check that out.” Honey pointed to them.

“You just read my mind.” Mori nodded.

“Hey, what's this place?” Honey asked one of the men.

“If you think you're King material, you have to talk to the King himself.” The man said.

“Sure, lead the way.” Honey nodded. The two men took them inside and lead the two to the king. He wore a striped black and white suit. A robot dog sat next to him.

“You want to join the Kings?” The king asked without looking at them.

“Sure?” Honey looked at Mori, unsure.

“You need to do three things for me. One; there's a false mercenary here who scams people into hiring his service and paying loads of caps for it. I want you to prove it and put an end to him. Two; my dog Rex needs a new brain. Find one. And three; find a doctor who'll operate on him for little to no price. Let me know if you're willing to cooperate” The king then dismissed them.

“That's a lot of demands for two strangers he just met.” Honey said. Mori grunted to show he agreed. “Do you want to do it?” He asked.

“Sounds like too much.” Mori replied.

“You're right.”

They left.

“Hey, psst.” A guy whispered from an alley. Mori and Honey looked at each other.

“Come here, I want to show you guys something.” The guy whispered. They both shrugged and followed him. He led them to a trashcan that had a dead body lying next to it. “This is the last bozo that trusted me and walked down here.” The guy laughed. Three goons appeared from different corners of the alley. They all had crowbars.

Honey and Mori kicked all their asses and then knocked the last guy unconscious. After looting them of their caps, they began to head off. But the sound of a guitar playing from deeper in the alley stopped them.

“What's that?” Honey went to the source. Mori followed. They found a group of humans who looked like they died but came back to life after decaying for several years.

One of them was playing a guitar while the others sat around a barrel with a burning fire inside.

“The Freeside Blues...” The one playing said in a raspy voice.

“What the hell happened to you guys?” Honey asked out loud. They all looked at him. Mori lightly smacked him upside the head.

“We're ghouls. The food distribution building refuses to serve us so we're staying here until we find food or die. Whichever comes first.” One of the ghouls sitting down coughed.

“That's horrible! We have to help them!” Honey looked at Mori. Mori nodded. They bought several bags of vegetables and canned meats and brought it back to the ghouls.

“How much?” A ghoul asked.

“Nothing.” Honey smiled.

“Th-Thank you. God bless you both.” A ghoul in tears said, grabbing a tomato and eating it. Honey and Mori went back to the hotel, both feeling good about themselves.

After entering the hotel, they saw Hikaru trying to feed Kaoru some salisbury steak.

“Hey guys, what did you do all day?” Honey asked happily, plopping down on the second bed.

Hikaru ignored him. “Come on, Kaoru. You need to eat so you can heal faster.”

“But I’m not hungry.” Kaoru protested.

“Kaoru, please.”

“Hikaru, stop treating me like a baby!” Kaoru rolled over and faced away from him. “I’ll eat when I say I want to.” He grumbled. Hikaru stood up.

“I’m going outside.” He grumbled before leaving the hotel room quickly.

Honey silently watched them and then looked to Mori. Mori shrugged.

Tamaki, Haruhi, and Kyoya all came in the room suddenly with fancy, dirty, and messed up clothes. They also had weird masks on.

“Don't ask.” Tamaki threw his mask off. Haruhi and Kyoya did the same.

"What happened with you guys?" Honey asked.

“Long story short, we're stuck here for a while. In order to get help, we need to help them back. And it's going to take a while to do so.” Kyoya said, not really answering his question at all.

“Well, while we're stuck here we could do the King's demands.” Honey told Mori.

“I'm not even going to ask about that.” Tamaki collapsed into a chair. “Wake me up in about five days.”

\- Tamaki, Kyoya, and Haruhi's side of the story earlier that day-

Tamaki spoke to the clerk in a low voice. “So, anything here you need help with?”

“Well, I've been trying to find good meat for the gathering tonight.” The clerk responded.

“I could help.” Tamaki said. “Just point the way and I'll get it.”

The clerk thought about it for a good few minutes before writing something down on a piece of paper and then handing it to him. “Get what's on here.

“So, anything about the White Glove Society you'd like to tell me?” Haruhi asked an elderly woman.

“They used to be a good, decent group of cannibals. Up until that new owner came along, said cannibalism is inhumane. Hmph.” The elderly woman crossed her arms. Haruhi's eye twitched.

“This guard refuses to speak. The most I got from him was a glare, you have any luck?” Kyoya suddenly asked.

“A-Apparently the White Gloves were once a g-good pair of cannibals.” Haruhi replied, fear in her voice.

“Mother of-”

“Hey guys, the clerk told me what we could do to gain their trust!” Tamaki ran up to them excitedly.

“What is it?” Kyoya asked.

“The clerk told me they need some meat for a gathering tonight, she gave me this note that gives us info on what to get.” Tamaki showed them. “Says we need to see a guy named Alexander.”

“I think they want to cook Alexander.” Haruhi swallowed nervously.

“What?”

“They're cannibals, Tamaki.” Kyoya said bluntly.

“I... Shit.” Tamaki looked down. “What do we do?”

“Let's go outside because everyone is staring.” Haruhi whispered urgently. They all went outside.

“So, I think it would be best if we don't get them a human. We could find a wild creature and bring that meat instead. Say Alexander was... um... burned? Which is why he tastes different.” Haruhi suggested.

“Yeah because they’re going to believe that.” Kyoya said.

“Like you have better ideas!” Haruhi crossed her arms.

“Well, let's talk to this Alexander guy first. Maybe it's all just a big misunderstanding.” Tamaki shrugged.

“Fine, where is he?” Haruhi asked.

“Right outside of Freeside, in some place called the Thirst and Go.” Tamaki read.

“Okay then, off we go.” They left through a back exit in New Vegas and found the store right at the corner of the broken city.

“The door is locked.” Tamaki shook the door knob. He knocked. “Seems like no one's home.”

“ALEXANDER OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!” Haruhi screamed, banging on the door.

The door flew open and Haruhi stumbled forward.

“Nice outfits.” A Mexican with a mustache smirked.

“Look, we were sent here.” Tamaki began to explain.

“Shit, tell the NCR I didn't mean to do it!” Alexander jumped over Haruhi, pushed Tamaki down, and ran outside the door.

Kyoya ran after him. Tamaki and Haruhi looked at each other with confusion.

Kyoya jumped and tackled the guy to the floor, the guy in response squirming and rolling on top of Kyoya, crushing him with his weight.

Tamaki ran up and kicked the guy in the ass. “We're not from the NCR!” He yelled when the guy got off of Kyoya and recoiled in pain.

“Then who sent you?!” Alexander groaned.

“White Gloves.”

Alexander shot up. “That explains the silly outfits.”

“Silly?” Tamaki gasped and stumbled back.

“Why didn't you just say so? I got a fresh capture in the morning.” Alexander started heading back to the Thirst and Go.

“See guys? It all turned out to be a misunderstanding.” Tamaki whispered to Haruhi and Kyoya.

“This is what I get for believing some old crazy lady.” Haruhi grumbled.

Alexander picked something up and dropped it on the counter. “Let me just cut it up for you and package it.”

Haruhi screamed. Tamaki threw up. Kyoya stared in horror, face turning pale.

It was the dead body of a poor farmer.

“I gotta tell you, it was weird getting a request from the White Gloves. Haven't gotten one in a while.” Alexander started slicing off all the limbs. Haruhi ran outside.

When the meat was done and packaged, the gang took all of it and began carrying it back.

“Sh-Should we really give this to them?” Haruhi asked.

“Well... He's already dead, it's not like we killed him....” Tamaki gulped.

“Let's just turn it in and forget this ever happened. We’ll never speak of it again.” Kyoya sulked. Everyone else agreed.

“Thanks! Go back to the kitchens, the butcher is waiting for it. I told him it's fresh deathclaw meat.” The clerk told them when they got back. They all nervously went to the butcher and were horrified at what they saw. This wasn't a kitchen; it was a bloody slaughterhouse. There were damn flamethrowers!

“Oh, you guys must have gotten the meat. Set it down right there on the counter.” The butcher pointed with his cleaver. They obeyed and ran out.

“I insist you all come and have dinner with us.” The clerk smiled.

“We'll pass.”

“But you won't get my trust unless you do. Yep, that's right. I know your guys' real intentions.”

Tamaki laughed nervously. “Okay.” Haruhi and Kyoya nodded.

They sat down at the table with the other official white glove members and stared at the food on front of them with disgust. The sad thing is it actually looked good. When everyone was almost done eating, the clerk stood up.

“My friends, what you're eating is human meat.” The room got dead silent. Then there was laughter which erupted into applause.

Haruhi almost screamed.

When dinner was over, the clerk went over to them. “Thanks, you guys helped me get the White Gloves back to the way it used to be.”

“All we did was collect the meat, haha.” Haruhi laughed nervously, thinking WTF.

“Take my token walking stick. It's a symbol of my trust.” The clerk handed it to Haruhi then walked off but then he fell over because the idiot forgot he no longer had his walking stick. They left before he could take it back. 

“One down, many more left to go.” Tamaki sighed before they went back in their hotel room.


	5. Lies, Trickery, and Deceit

“We’re willing to take on all your tasks.” Honey told the King the next day. He was now 100% percent healed and ready to go.

“Alright, the mercenary’s name is Joseph. He’s at the left entrance to Freeside. Hire him and find something suspicious. Here’s five hundred caps compensation.” The king instructed. Mori and Honey bought themselves leather jackets to feel more suited for the occasion. Honey got his hair styled into a pompadour. Mori’s hair was too short so he just put on a wig.

“Now we look the part.” Honey was excited.

The duo reached the mercenary and saw him trying to get some kids chasing a big rat to hire him.

“Hey, you! We want to hire your services!” Honey pointed at him.

“Sure. Five hundred caps.” Joseph left the kids alone. He walked over to them and Honey paid him. They followed him for a while until suddenly some goons snapping their fingers stepped out of an alleyway. Joseph shot them all dead before they could finish their little dance. Or whatever it was supposed to be.

“Here we are. If you need me again, just give me a holler.” Joseph then left.

Honey went to the dead bodies and inspected them. “Gasp! They aren’t dead at all! This one’s still breathing!” He looked at Mori.

“So is this one.” Mori held up a decapitated head. “It blinked at me.”

“This must mean they’re actors! That explains the finger snapping.” Honey looked to Mori. “Let’s confront him.” They went back to Joseph. “We know you’re a fake.”

“A what?” Joseph asked, not even looking at them.

“A fake.” Honey crossed his arms. “And you’re gonna pay, courtesy of the kings.” He popped him in the mouth.

“Hey look, they’re killing that stupid mercenary! Let’s help them!” One of the kids from earlier said. He and his friend ran up to the unconscious mercenary and started stabbing him repeatedly.

“Wait, no, we were just…” Honey trailed off. Mori put a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s too late.” Mori said solemnly.

“This place is sick.” Honey said before going back to the Kings. Mori followed.

“We got rid of the mercenary.” Honey told the king.

“Good. Now you just need to find a brain and a doctor.”

“Any idea on how?”

“I hear there’s a city in the mountains called Jacobstown. Might have a doctor.”

Mori and Honey went back to the hotel room. “We’re going to be gone for a few days.” They told Hikaru and Kaoru.

“Why?” Hikaru asked. He was sitting in a chair, eating some noodles while Kaoru was slurping his straight out of the bowl.

“Even if I told you, you’d still have no clue.” Honey replied. “We’ll leave in a few minutes.”

“I’d come with you but I’m unfortunately stuck here.” Kaoru sighed. “I can’t believe I let my guard down like that. I knew I couldn’t trust you when you said the building was empty. He was probably hiding, did you even bother looking in cabinets and under beds or did you just glance at the scenery.”

“You think I don’t blame myself for this?!” Hikaru stood up, breaking the bowl he was eating from.

“You should have known, we’re not home anymore! We’re in this messed up world where we could be attacked at any given moment and you just-“

“That’s enough, guys.” Honey scolded them. “Kaoru, what happened was no one’s fault. You don’t know what it was like to see you like that. We were all worried, especially Hikaru. And we tried our best to get you fixed. The important thing is you’re okay now, there’s no point in being mad about what happened or what could have been done to prevent it. Tamaki, Kyoya, and Haruhi are trying their best as we speak to make sure we can get back home. Fighting won’t solve anything!”

Kaoru looked down. “I’m sorry. It’s just, the pain is irritating me. And I don’t like feeling so helpless.”

“If I could take your place I would. I’m just so happy to see you’re alive.” Hikaru cried, tears starting to emerge. “And I’m sorry for being so overprotective, I just don’t want to screw up again.”

Kaoru used his good arm to reach out to him. “Come here.” Hikaru went over and kneeled on the bed, carefully hugging him. He cried as Kaoru as gently rubbed his back, tears gathering in his own eyes.

“None of us asked for this.” Honey said. “But to get through this, we have to stick together. We can’t fight. We’re all we have.” He looked to Mori.

-

“WHAT THE HELL?!” Tamaki screamed into the sky as they walked out of the NCR territory on the strip. “WHY MUST WE ALWAYS GET THE DIFFICULT TASKS?!”

“Seriously, I’m actually agreeing with you.” Haruhi sighed.

“Did Mr. House know that gaining the NCR’s trust consisted of destroying the Caeser’s legion? How are we supposed to gain their trust too?” Kyoya asked.

“He’s making it difficult. He wants to test our dedication to the cause.” Tamaki said. “He wants to see how far we’re willing to go to do this. The only thing we can do is separate and have one group go to the legion and the other go to the NCR.”

“But the legion is really creepy, I heard they crucify people. None of us can go alone.” Haruhi said.

“We could ask Mori or Honey to join us.” Tamaki said.

“They’re probably doing their own thing, though.” Haruhi sighed.

“We can’t ask Hikaru either because he needs to help Kaoru.” Kyoya added.

“I can’t help but hear your predicament.” A girl in a cowboy hat suddenly said. She was leaning on a wall nearby, a cigarette hanging out of her mouth.

“I could probably use one of those.” Kyoya muttered. Haruhi pretended like she didn’t hear him.

“I could watch this Kaoru fellow for you… for the right price.” The girl looked up.

“What do you want, just cut to the chase.” Tamaki said.

“Your body.” She winked. Tamaki was so SHOOKETH he fainted. “I was kidding!”

“He’s kinda been through some things…” Haruhi sighed. 

“Um, okay. Fuck if I care.” The girl moved away from the wall. “I actually just want to come with you to the other place. The one you’re from. I heard you guys yesterday, too. You talk pretty loud.”

“You actually believe what we said?” Haruhi said.

“I’ve heard a lot of crazy things that turned out to be true.” The girl shrugged. “Name’s Cass. I used to run a caravan but it was burned to shit. Now I waste my days away at any bar I can find. I hate this place. But your place, the one you’re from, it sounds normal. Like how everything was before the bombs. I want to see it. I want to live a normal life, so I’ll help you do whatever it takes to get there. But you have to take me. No double-crossing or I’ll shoot you.”

“Let us discuss this for a moment, please.” Kyoya smiled politely before pulling Haruhi and Tamaki, who was waking up, away. “I think this girl means what she says.”

“But she could be lying, what if she’s a murderer and we accidentally unleash her into the real world?” Haruhi asked.

“She doesn’t really look like the babysitting type, either.” Tamaki said, somehow knowing everything despite the fact he was unconscious. Or was he???

“I feel like she’d kill Kaoru if he pulled a prank on her.” Haruhi found the thought both funny and sad.

“Hey, I don’t have all day. It’s either a yes or no. And I literally heard everything you guys just fucking said, seriously you talk really loud. Even when you’re whispering.” Cass crossed her arms.

“Sorry.” Tamaki said.

“I really don’t do shit like this, but if it gets me out of this hell I will.” Cass said. “And I always keep to my word. That’s a promise.”

“Alright, we’ll do it. Come with us so we can show you where you’ll be staying for the next few days.” Kyoya said.

“Really?” Tamaki and Haruhi gasped.

“I have a strong feeling that she means what she says.” Kyoya told them. “Right this way.” He began leading her back to the hotel.

“Who the hell is this?” Kaoru and Hikaru asked in unison when they stepped through the door.

“Is that the one I have to watch?” Cass asked, pointing to Kaoru.

“Wait, what?” The twins looked at each other.

“Okay, don’t freak out but we need two groups to go to two different factions and Mori and Honey are busy, you’re our only option.” Tamaki told Hikaru. “We got this girl to watch Kaoru. Her only condition is she comes with us back home.”

“Wait, you’re joking. You think I’m going to just let some random chick you got from the side of the street watch my brother?” Hikaru almost laughed.

“Hikaru, the sooner we get out the better.” Kaoru said. He put his good hand on Hikaru’s shoulder. “I’ll be fine.”

“But…”

“Look, just tell me what I need to do and I’ll make sure I fucking do it.” Cass sighed.

“Alright.” Kaoru smiled evilly.

“No pranks, she will not hesitate to shoot you.” Tamaki scolded him.

“Darn.” Kaoru sighed.

“When are we leaving?” Hikaru didn’t sound or look too happy.

“Tomorrow, daddy needs a break.” Tamaki collapsed onto the other bed.

“Daddy?” Cass said with disgust.

“Long story.” Everyone but Tamaki said.

“Okay, make sure he gets plenty of rest and be sure to feed him whenever he’s hungry and you have to make sure he gets two stimpacks a day, one in the morning and one at-“

“Hikaru, I can tell her that myself.” Kaoru interrupted.

“Right, right.”

“You and Haruhi will talk to the NCR, me and Tamaki will handle the legion.” Kyoya said.

“What, I’m not leaving Haruhi alone with him!” Tamaki protested.

“Don’t argue with me.” Kyoya smiled. Tamaki almost died from fear. “Fine, if you don’t want him with her that badly then she’ll come with me. You and Hikaru will go to the legion.”

“Well, I guess that’s better.” Tamaki said, hiding his disappointment. He failed miserably because it was so obvious it hurt. Kyoya has second degree burns now.

“Why can’t I go to the legion?” Haruhi asked.  
“They’re extremely sexist. I don’t want you going crazy from it, I know how you are.” Kyoya replied. Haruhi sighed, not protesting. She didn’t want to go there, anyway.

-

"Do you think we're going the right way?" Honey asked Mori.

"Nope."

"Damn, we should have asked which mountain instead of just walking to the closest one. We might die, now." Honey sighed. As they continued down the path, the sound of gunshots stopped them in their tracks. They both ducked down to a bush nearby and saw a man clad in some iron suit shooting a gigantic green creature. It was one of the ugliest things Honey had ever seen in his life. They watched as the ironclad soldier killed it and the body exploded to nothing but gut piles. 

"God I wish that were me." Mori muttered. 

"Yeah, it must be pretty cool to wear armor like that."

"Not them." 

"Mori, is there some-"

"Who goes there?" The ironclad soldier turned their gun to the bushes. Honey stepped out with his hands up. 

"We mean no harm." He said. Mori followed his action and nodded. 

"You two headed to Jacobstown?" The soldier asked.

"Yeah." Honey nodded.

"Well you're not going to live to see it." The soldier pointed their gun at them but then laughed. "Just kidding, I'll escort you there." They said.

"Hahaha, funny." Honey laughed nervously, hesitantly following them. Mori close behind.


End file.
